In the realm of physical fitness and self-improvement, the allure of quick fixes and immediate gains can often cloud our judgement, leading us down paths we might never have considered otherwise. My own journey with anabolic steroids serves as a stark reminder of the potential dangers lurking behind the promise of rapid muscle growth and enhanced performance. In light of a recent feature on BBC's ONE Show, where I discussed my experiences with body dysmorphia and steroid addiction, I feel compelled to share my story more broadly, hoping it might resonate with others facing similar struggles. You can view the episode on iPlayer here (19:00 mark) or my IG story highlight.
The Unseen Battle with Body Dysmorphia
I’m happy now to be a loud complainer in a silent battle: body dysmorphia. I spent countless years loathing my reflection, using mirrors not as tools for self-admiration but as judges critiquing every perceived flaw. This constant self-scrutiny led me to anabolic steroids, a decision born from a desperate desire to feel content in my own skin. Initially, the steroids seemed to work, painting over my insecurities with a veneer of confidence. However, as time went on, the well-documented side effects of steroid use began to surface, unravelling the temporary peace I had found.
A Long Road to Self-Acceptance
It took years of therapy, self-enquiry, and profound psychedelic experiences to finally start the healing process and overcome my reliance on steroids. Through these avenues, I learned to love and accept myself, liberating me from the chains of substance dependence. This journey to self-acceptance wasn't easy, but it taught me valuable lessons about the importance of facing our inner demons head-on.
The Misleading Appeal of Steroids
Reflecting on my decision to start using steroids, I remember scouring the internet for information, naively believing that the severe side effects wouldn't affect me. The discourse online often minimises these risks, suggesting that any adverse effects can simply be counteracted by another pill. This misinformation, coupled with a lack of relatable medical advice, made it all too easy to dismiss the potential dangers.
Steroid addiction is insidious. It allows you to function seemingly normally, granting energy and a sense of performance that can be intoxicating. The validation that comes with the physical improvements can further entrench the habit, especially within communities that celebrate steroid use. This normalisation of steroid consumption can make it incredibly challenging to stop, with the fear of becoming an outcast looming large.
The True Cost of Steroid Use
My experiences have taught me that the most detrimental aspect of steroid use isn't necessarily the physical side effects, but rather the emotional and psychological toll it takes. The sense of apathy, the distorted self-righteousness, and the dark thoughts that can emerge are far more concerning. Steroids might offer a temporary boost in self-esteem, but they ultimately fail to address the underlying issues that lead us to seek out these substances in the first place.
Navigating the challenges of addiction is a profoundly personal journey, yet it's often met with external judgement, especially when it comes to substances like anabolic steroids. Outside the supportive circles of those who understand, society can be swift to cast judgement, equating these struggles to moral failings rather than complex health issues. The stigmatisation of addiction in society only adds to the sense of confinement and creates a prison mentality based on the worry of harsh judgement from others. It's this fear of judgement that silences voices, keeping individuals from seeking the help they need or openly discussing their experiences. This silence, borne from a concern over others' perceptions, reinforces the isolation and challenges faced by those dealing with addiction, making it even harder to break free from the cycle of dependence and societal stigma.
In sharing my story, I hope to illuminate the often-overlooked dangers of anabolic steroids, not just from a physical standpoint but from a mental and emotional one as well. My journey from addiction to self-acceptance wasn't easy, but it was worthwhile. If my experiences can help even one person reconsider their use of steroids or feel less alone in their struggle, then sharing this narrative will have been worth it.
Thank you for taking the time to read this piece! If it resonated with you, I'd greatly appreciate a 'Like'. Your likes play a significant role in enhancing the visibility of my work through the Substack algorithm. Your support means a lot. Thank you!
You were amazing on the One Show and I'm sure your story will help many people out there who struggle with the same issues you did. Thank you 🙏🏽